Quotes from Penny's Profile After receiving many requests to keep my quotes around longer, I have created this tasty webpage. All older quotes up through the latest are featured here. Last Update: 2006-07-01 [Added on 2007-06-22] no SoSo co: what did you get yourself into? no SoSo co: or whom? [Added on 2007-06-21] V i p e r V 2: Listen, I'm not a homo but I've told you before that you rank right up there with the Pitts and Clooneys of the tabloids. V i p e r V 2: MIRRORS ARE JEALOUS! [Added on 2007-06-21] dbatesman: dude, laid off? dbatesman: what the fuck? dbatesman: this is bullshit dbatesman: name names dbatesman: tell me who to smite dbatesman: and they shall be smoten [Added on 2007-06-16] cburgkate: awe penny. you'll always be the prince of pennistan to me. [Added on 2007-05-XX] KatrodianKeneire: actually....that's kinda creepy KatrodianKeneire: do it anyway [Added on 2007-05-XX] no SoSo co: you're too much sometimes. computers. poetry. business. life. BshockK: i try my best O:-) [Added on 2007-05-XX] Becky: I'm covered in special sauce!! Penny: No comment necessary. [Added on 2007-05-XX] Penny: This is why I like taking you places. Katie K: Why? 'Cause I make your pants wet? [Added on 2007-05-XX] Leeann: I masturbate thinking about myself, because there's nobody else as good looking. Penny: *blink* Leeann: It's lonely at the top. [Added on 2007-05-XX] SilverRingsPool: seriously, where are our superpowers? evolution is so damn lazy [Added on 2007-04-01] Mason: Stupid women! They shouldn't be able to read me! They shouldn't ever have become literate in the first place!! [Added on 2007-03-30] Kronodyn: I earn my praise by force. [Added on 2007-03-29] LancLancGuy: updating the profile is worthwhile endeavor LancLancGuy: there's painting the Sistine chapel LancLancGuy: and then there's the update of Penny's profile [Added on 2007-03-27] --While writing a poem for my grandmother-- oIcalenao: dear gramma. sugar is sweet and so is your hot sexy body....... BshockK: AHHH!!!!!!!! [Added on 2007-03-05] AnnaGoth3: Hugh Hefner is on TV right now, and it reminded me of you [Added on 2007-03-04] Ian: She abuses me when nobody's looking! Penny! Don't look away!! [Added on 2007-02-18 Mason: I died of dysentery... and lived!! [Added on 2007-1-28] V i p e R v 2: if i got an email that said, "ronald mcdonald seen anally fisting a split-dicked hippo," i would so totally click it [Added on 2007-01-01] Kronodyn: [insert witty and humorous comment here that may or may not compliment Penny in some method as a means of making his profile] [Added on 2006-12-16] Sam: And you know what? Everywhere I work is exactly like high school again! Now granted I do work in a high school....... [Added on 2006-12-16] smfykins (7:04:55): awesome BshockK (7:04:55): awesome [Added on 2006-12-04] BshockK: i just downloaded a nickelback song BshockK: i feel like i just did something against my principles VegetarianismNO: the first step is admitting you have a problem [Added on 2006-12-04] Beckalishus428: rick kutz is the voldemort to your harry potter, the sauron to your frodo, the ursula to your ariel, the kryptonite to your superman, the joker to your batman, the wicked stepmother to your cinderella...should i go on? [Added on 2006-12-01] AriahSun: however, you, much like a fine wine, only get better with age. [Added on 2006-11-28] KatrodianKeneire: well, you ARE a model, just plaster yourself all over the internet and ppl will buy ANYTHING you sell them. i mean an-y-thing [Added on 2006-11-24] BshockK: one time when i was little, i snuck downstairs to catch a glimpse of santa BshockK: all i heard was him say to my mom "i wanna get my claus into you" BshockK: i was scared sway4711: LOL [Added on 2006-11-24] Penny: It's a good thing when I come home to my apartment building surrounded by fire trucks, the sounds of high pressured water, and being unallowed to enter the building, right? Nadi: Yeah, it probably means you won something. [Added on 2006-11-16] firefly10485: but he also appreciates posterpedic support BshockK: wait, are you saying santa's gonna get into bed with me?? firefly10485: no actually CAZ YOU NEED A BED IN ORDER FOR SANTA TO GET IN IT!!! firefly10485: dude you are SO not getting laid by santa this year BshockK: ...... [Added on 2006-11-3] V i p e R v 2: I can't imagine a bunch of drunk RECHC kids wielding a gun hunting for animals BshockK: You've clearly never been to downtown Pittsburgh [Added on 2006-11-2] Anonymous: i feel his rectum with my probe of phallic justice. [Added on 2006-10-31] KatrodianKeneire: dude! you gotta try it. it feeeeels soooo goooood. [Added on 2006-10-30] AnnaGoth3: just call me harriet tubman [Added on 2006-10-27] BshockK: exactly!! if penny's pants wanna come off tonight, then damn it, penny's pants will come off! BshockK: err... wait....... KatrodianKeneire: ahahahahaha [Added on 2006-10-25] KatrodianKeneire: well, you could always kill a baby.... BshockK: ... [Added on 2006-10-21] Katie Kennedy: Innocent like my foot! And my foot's a slut. [Added on 2006-10-17] retahtacdotcom: "Eric 'The Penny' Pennington winks at her from across the room -- she moans..." retahtacdotcom: one single penny wink can do that to a girl [Added on 2006-10-13] BshockK: but there will be drunkdialage V i p e R v 2: Goddamnit V i p e R v 2: You better V i p e R v 2: And if you don't V i p e R v 2: I will drive down there V i p e R v 2: And kill your goldfish, or other pet that means something to you [Added on 2006-10-12] KatrodianKeneire: wow. becky's right. you ARE a superhero! [Added on 2006-10-10] dbatesman: you're an inspiration to us all [Added on 2006-10-07] Penny: Wow, that's awesome! Crispy: No, Penny. That's murder. [Added on 2006-10-05] VegetarianismNO: I think at my funeral, we're going to have a mandatory internet break VegetarianismNO: just in case anything happened on facebook during the service VegetarianismNO: these things are important! [Added on 2006-10-04] BshockK: just cuz i haven't seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist BshockK: although that'd be kinda kewl if that was true BshockK: that's why guatamala doesn't exist BshockK: i mean..... what? minerple (9:36:18 AM): hahahahahahaha minerple (9:36:21 AM): you're funny :-P [Added on 2006-10-03] no SoSo co: i don't know the context of the quote in your away message... but i'm thinking it's probably better that way. Auto response from BshockK: "but i believe sex is a lot more personal than playing baseball" [Added on 2006-09-26] Beckalishus428: man..i wish i was a super hero like you Beckalishus428: it must be nice to control the world [Added on 2006-09-25] no SoSo co: for real... it is impossible to find spinach ANYWHERE. just cause a couple of people couldn't handle it, had to die and ruin it for everyone else. that's just another reason to hate people, you know? [Added on 2006-09-24] KatrodianKeneire: so i was talking to Laura H today, and relayed her this story: when i was younger i really couldn't find pants i liked/fit me. and any pants i did find would have to work with the two belts i owned at the time. one day, in a fit of pure teenage girl frustration, i cried out in all seriousness, "THIS PANT HARDWARE IS NOT COMPATABLE WITH MY BELT SOFTWARE!!!!" i just thought you would appreciate it. [Added on 2006-09-23] KatrodianKeneire: i can continue to breathe easy now that i have your approval [Added on 2006-09-21] BshockK: i think that needs to be an anti-drug slogan BshockK: "Saying yes to drugs is like saying yes to BEES!!!" FatherGhedePhd: "McGruff, i don't really understand howAAAAGGHHH!!! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF THEM?!?!" [Added on 2006-09-21] VegetarianismNO: I'll think of you while doodling mindlessly in my notebook. you and tacos. delicious, tasty tacos. [Added on 2006-09-13] Kronodyn: Nobody cares about your birthday. Kronodyn: That's why, you'll notice, nobody else's away message is counting down to it. Kronodyn: Only yours. Kronodyn: You'll probably die alone. Kronodyn: Just sayin'. ----------------- KatrodianKeneire: I'm counting down hour to hour. You can tell your friend "jude" that [Added on 2006-09-11] BshockK: *hacks into jude's computer and replaces all of his music with nude photos of bea arthur* Kronodyn: awwwwwwwwwwwww yeah Kronodyn: that's HOT Kronodyn: *puts them in his already-existing "Nude Bea Arthur photos" folder* Kronodyn: increasing the folder size to 15.3gb BshockK: !!!!!! --an hour later-- sway4711: !!! sway4711: dude i totally have a topless pic of bea BshockK: am i discovering a fetish among my friends that has previously gone unpublicized? sway4711: you interested? ;-) BshockK: aaaaaahhhh!!!!! --and then-- scrinium: I wasn't sure who bea arthur was, so I did a google image search scrinium: this was the first picture on the list: [link to a picture of bea arthur nude] BshockK: god damn it!!! --aaaand then-- Big Hairy Buddha: incidentally, i had a dream about bea arthur last night Big Hairy Buddha: and she was naked BshockK: wknweriokjdfs [Added on 2006-09-05] BshockK: so how does it feel to be 21 now that you've survived the festivities? IDMetallica11: wow IDMetallica11: haha [Added on 2006-09-03] BshockK: part of me wants to watch troy, but that's def not comedic VegetarianismNO: you can MAKE it comedic VegetarianismNO: put it on mute and fill in the lines yourself VegetarianismNO: "oh hellen ... time for me to TAKE MY PRIZE" [Added on 2006-09-02] Kronodyn: I think all Staples stores should have Starbucks in them. BshockK: ... Kronodyn: I mean, c'mon... Kronodyn: Who drinks the most coffee? Kronodyn: Office workers and nerds! Kronodyn: IT MAKES SENSE!! [Added on 2006-09-01] vicar street: you're selling yourself to the dumb hoes man. think about the dumb hoes! it's all about them!! [Added Summer 2006] Becky: Okay, you sit here. I'll take my clothes off. [Added Summer 2006] scrinium: i know spanish like your mom knows how to do anything other than sexing me up scrinium: not that well [Added Summer 2006] "It's grabbing my sides and banging me from behind!" -- Ryan Easton, on an electric massage chair in the Ross Park Mall Brookstone. [Added Summer 2006] f a s t Gherkin: Jesus would do nothing less. And I am at least on par. [Added Summer 2006] ForsakenProdigy: i'll have plenty of cherries for you -- Luke, who understands the maraschino addiction [Added Summer 2006] Mason: Penny, you're the reason why I wake up stuck to the bed in the morning. [Added Summer 2006] smfykins: hahaha, that's good cause every now and then I can here Indiana crying out your name at night... it got a little taste of the penny and now it wants more [Added Summer 2006] dbatesman: not to worry, my friend dbatesman: you will never be discontinued from the U.S. Mint of my heart [Added Summer 2006] firefly10485: oh my god firefly10485: i can't breathe firefly10485: let me go reread what you wrote firefly10485: so i can pee myself firefly10485: all over again [Added Summer 2006] Rchlsnwbrd03: penny, i have to go get my free pair of underwear from victoria's secret now Rchlsnwbrd03: my coupon will expire if i don't! ----------------- vicar street: hey..i went & got free victoria's secret underwear too! [Added Summer 2006] BshockK: i thought you were a vegetarian? DuckTwirler: I WILL STILL EAT YOUR HEART [Added Summer 2006] BshockK: I have no sense of impending doom whatsoever. scrinium: I disagree. You have a sense of impending doom, but it's overridden by your sense of humor and hilarity. [Added Summer 2006] no SoSo co: your life is too clutch for words [Added Summer 2006] FatherGhedePhd: when you speak with suffixes, you speak with HITLER [Added Summer 2006] Fahd: I've been told us sand niggas got the biggest dicks. Kate: Is that the myth? Fahd: Bitch, I am the myth! [Added Summer 2006] firefly10485: ahahahahaahaha firefly10485: notice the 'a' hahaha firefly10485: meaning i went a firefly10485: before hahahaha firefly10485: ing [Added Summer 2006] DuckTwirler: so you are going to sit down there for hours at a time, posing as the quiet, introspective poet-programmer, but really remain crouched as a spider, waiting to take unsuspecting victims back to your shag-nest. [Added Summer 2006] RedWolf3479: Your life is the definition of clutch [Added Summer 2006] FatherGhedePhd: you're not supposed to be eating if you're annorexic, fatass! BshockK: hahahaha FatherGhedePhd: and they think i have potential to teach children [Added Summer 2006] DuckTwirler: so how are you holding up, cupid? BshockK: i gotta stop shooting up on my own arrows [Added Summer 2006] DarkWarriorShi: Exactly. And if you plan to marry her someday, your best interest is to cheat on her on a semi-regular basis, and give her credit card numbers to random people on the internet. DarkWarriorShi: Oh man, i want my own bad advice column. [Added Summer 2006] firefly10485: oh i wish you could see how hot the kid next door is firefly10485: i think even you would go gay for him firefly10485: haha BshockK: lol BshockK: doubtful BshockK: maybe i'd caress him a lil BshockK: but that's it BshockK: i mean...... what? firefly10485: ahhahahahahaahh firefly10485: ahahhahaahahah firefly10485: hahahahhaa firefly10485: lololololol [Added May 2006] KatrodianKeneire: you down wit O-PEN-NY? YEAH you know me. Who's down wit O-PEN-NY? all the LADIES! [Added May 2006] firefly10485: g night firefly10485: (haha ya know... like g unit) BshockK: .... firefly10485: don't you ... me [Added May 2006] Nadi: We'll build off each other... like kids with addictions. [Added May 2006] Ryan: You're killing me while I'm still alive! [Added on 2006-04-18] Laura: Mavis, I hate to ask you this, but I need you to bend forward. [Added on 2006-04-17] KatrodianKeneire: *does the robot* is this how you like it? interface! interface! [Added on 2006-04-17] firefly10485: it brings a whole new level to the 'your mom' game -- in reference to an article about a man who tried to go on an intimate blind date and found out the blind date was his mom [Added on 2006-04-15] VegetarianismNO: I actually sent that first IM to the wrong person, but now I'm glad I did because I'm IMing Penny. Who could be more worthwhile to bother? [Added on 2006-04-13] KatrodianKeneire: swans and no time?! [Added on 2006-04-12] DuckTwirler: *would seriously trade sex for a good back massage right now* [Added on 2006-04-11] BshockK: you can do it firefly10485: put your back into it [Added on 2006-04-11] firefly10485: it must have been sexually explicit firefly10485: ya know firefly10485: with a wink face or something BshockK: oh god BshockK: emoticon porn firefly10485: hahahaha firefly10485: please tell me i made the profile! BshockK: damn straight firefly10485: YES! [Added on 2006-04-11] firefly10485: dude... i am so not your away message right now! :-( firefly10485: **shows explicit anger with frowny emoticon** [Added on 2006-04-11] firefly10485: dammnit coin [Added on 2006-04-07] Pasta Lady: Red or White? Ryan: What did you just call me?! [Added on 2006-04-04] Big Hairy Buddha: dude...this is totally unrelated...do you know what airlines fly into atlanta? Auto response from BshockK: [a link to an article on an atlanta sex trafficing scandle] Big Hairy Buddha: ok...so it's KIND of related Big Hairy Buddha: ok, fine, yes, ok, i want to have sex with a doped up 12 year old Big Hairy Buddha: FUCK YOU! Big Hairy Buddha: WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?! [Added on 2006-04-01] Beckalishus428: penny penny bo benny banana fana fo fenny mi my mo menny PENNY! [Added on 2006-04-01 Ryan: Some people pay good money for sex. Some people pay bad money too. Those people usually have herpes. [Added on 2006-03-27] NadiJean7376: hey NadiJean7376: hey NadiJean7376: hey NadiJean7376: hey NadiJean7376: hey NadiJean7376: hey NadiJean7376: hey NadiJean7376: hey NadiJean7376: answer me NadiJean7376: hey NadiJean7376: hey NadiJean7376: penny NadiJean7376: penny NadiJean7376: penny NadiJean7376: penny NadiJean7376: damn you [Added on 2006-03-27 Gina: No, I mean Penny's muscles are in the range of what's good. Rob: What about mine? Gina: Yes... except your penis. [Added on 2006-03-23] Leeann: Not being born Penny is the biggest handicap of my life. [Added on 2006-03-23] DuckTwirler: I think I speak for all of us here who are slightly more karmicly challenged than you when I say "Penny, Fuck You." [Added on 2006-03-20] Big Hairy Buddha: we were all rooting for him to grow a bear FatherGhedePhd: in a jar? FatherGhedePhd: with bear seeds? [Added on 2006-03-20] Big Hairy Buddha: we should just man up and admit our undying love for each other Big Hairy Buddha: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Big Hairy Buddha: which is to say Big Hairy Buddha: i dig chicks [Added on 2006-03-20] minerple: is that what you do in your spare time? chew on the bones of little folks? [Added on 2006-03-13] KatrodianKeneire: apparently your animal magnetism was just too strong to resist [Added on 2006-03-13] IUPAUL33: i miss you guys -- this is not the end [Added on 2006-03-08] MaeFrance21: okay i love you i abuse you but know that i love you [Added on 2006-03-08] FrankBoothLovesU: I hope that away message is directed at me. Auto response from BshockK: i want to kiss you on the mouth and tell you i'm your biggest fan [Added on 2006-03-08] Neil: They said my package was impressive. Ian: Do you realize what you just said? Neil: Well it is! [Added on 2006-03-05] BshockK: so i was sittin' around & doing some pantsless thinking Big Hairy Buddha: ok [Added on 2006-03-05] Ian: So Ryan, how are you feeling in terms of sobriety? Ryan: Sobriety? ... sure. [Added on 2006-03-05] Ryan: Baby, let's go mash some potatoes. (Mavis -- I expect you to get this one) [Added on 2006-03-01] BshockK: let that be a lesson children BshockK: too much vodka leads to small naked baby angels having sex with cows Kronodyn: There are currently images in my head I never wished to exist, let alone call my fragile imagination home. [Added on 2006-02-21] smfykins: alright, i'm gonna put some clothes on so Ian stops staring at my groinal region [Added on 2006-02-16] Mogadesh: GO BLASPHEMY AND INFIDELS! [Added on 2006-02-05] Laura: Okay Penny, whip it out! *pause* Laura: No wait! Just your I-Card! Penny: You should have been less ambiguous. [Added on 2006-02-09] Nadi: I don't care! I want to be toothless and in a wheelchair, God damn it! [Added on 2006-02-03] firefly10485: i gotta finish up some stuff firefly10485: have mad sex with mo firefly10485: then meet people firefly10485: ttyl [Added on 2006-02-03] Laura: You know what, you can suck my left nut! Penny & Mo: *blink* [Added on 2006-01-30] sway4711: sweet sweet raptor lovin!!!!!!!!! [Added on 2006-01-28] Penny: You are very nice. Melanie: You have AIDS. [Added on 2006-01-24] Big Hairy Buddha: i'd do anything for penny Big Hairy Buddha: except sex Big Hairy Buddha: i draw the line at sex Big Hairy Buddha: OK i draw the line at unprotected sex Big Hairy Buddha: do you know how many people handle a single penny? [Added on 2006-01-23] BshockK: you guys need to understand sometimes penny likes to hang out w/out clothing! BshockK: err... wait oIcalenao: LOL [Added before 2006-01-22] Kronodyn: I've determined that you have too many quotes in your profile complimenting you. You need contrast, so I will provide that contrast. Kronodyn: You're a horrible person and nobody likes you. [Added before 2006-01-22] cburgkate: ok penny let me explain what just happened in my head cburgkate: i was about to ask how santa treated you cburgkate: but then i thought cburgkate: oh crap wait penny's jewish cburgkate: but then i thought.... cburgkate: wait....... cburgkate: penny wears a cross cburgkate: and that's kinda odd for a Jew cburgkate: and then I remembered you're Italian Catholic cburgkate: oops cburgkate: so this brings me back to my original point cburgkate: how was santa? [Added before 2006-01-22] Kronodyn: Now I expect 1,000mb cache in unmarked bytes by 8:00, or windows.ini DIES. BshockK: ...... [Added before 2006-01-22] DuckTwirler: and you are the shining beacon of light we should all follow for a model existence [Added before 2006-01-22] IDMetallica11: yo i freaking miss you guys -- Penny wanna go back to school!! [Added before 2006-01-22] Penny: This is my statue. I call it "Ian." Nadi: Wow, that's a pretty crappy statue. Ian: Fuck you! [Added before 2006-01-22] firefly10485: but does it count if she made out with a penis? BshockK: oh... my... god [Added before 2006-01-22] JaYzusChrisT: you are legendary [Added before 2006-01-22] astipcak2128: and u know what, i always pick up pennies when i see them on the ground astipcak2128: consider it a tribute every time i find one [Added before 2006-01-22] SilverRingsPool: you s.o.b., i'll make it back into your profile yet! [Added before 2006-01-22] JaYzusChrisT: you are what the ancient sumerians would refer to as "a bastard" [Added before 2006-01-22] Monkey8C: you're a bad influence penny [Added before 2006-01-22] dbatesman: you, sir, are a god amongst mere mortals [Added before 2006-01-22] V i p e R v 2: UMaine has burned me more than a herpes outbreak [Added before 2006-01-22] V i p e R v 2: That's because you're unimaginably sexy [Added before 2006-01-22] BshockK: you can't go wrong w/ multiple pennies BshockK: if i could find a hundred of us, we'd be a whole dollar! BshockK: ......i got nothin' :-P oIcalenao: hahahaha oIcalenao: wow oIcalenao: that was corny [Added before 2006-01-22] Neil: You have a natural charisma that cannot be taught. Penny: 8-) [Added before 2006-01-22] Haider convincing me to go with him to Kabul, Afghanistan: "It would be a discovery of self at best and a kidnapping at worst." My personal favorite: [Added before 2006-01-22] "Our hero got up, a bit beaten and shaken but managed to pull himself together to keep fighting the good fight. And that is the true test of invincibility...for defeat is not falling down, but staying down. Perhaps he was invincible afterall...he just didn't know it."